Let me explain:
The soft crackle of Bing Crosby’s Christmas on vinyl fills the open room; the scent of balsam settles. Crosby’s croon wraps around you like a blanket.
“Have yourself…a merry little…Christmas…”
It fills the room with the familiar sound of holidays passed. You decide that you’re in the mood for a cold glass of eggnog and decide to take a quick trip to the grocery store for a few holiday items.
After bundling up, you get into the car, cranking the heat on high, and decide to find some holiday tunes on the radio to continue the mood, switching to a station you assume will be playing some Christmas music.
Lady Gaga’s irritatingly lusty voice fills the car.
“Light me up, put me on top/let’s fa la la la la la la.”
This can’t be happening.
“Ho ho ho, under the mistletoe/Yes, everybody knows/We will take off our clothes…”
It can’t be so. The mood is ruined.
This is the scene that comes with today’s Christmas music. What has happened to the days of simplicity? The days of classics? Where are the Sinatras? The Crosbys, the Astaires? Where is today’s Fitzgerald? Where are Clooney and Cole?
The production of Christmas Music may have always been an easy moneymaker for artists and performers—but the line is crossed at tacky. Lady Gaga’s need to show off her sexuality and rhyming skills is no excuse for defacing the very name of holiday cheer. This song cannot even be passed as a piece of holiday music.
She is not alone in her efforts of ruining the holiday season.
The bubble-gum pop whines of artists like Disney Channel’s Demi Lovato, sisters Aly&Aj, and the past releases of boy band covers, have created scrooges out of millions of people. Their renditions of the classics are enough to make the eggnog curdle.
Then there is Mariah Carey—as if she hasn’t already raped the musical world. This season she has released a new dance mix of “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” for that impromptu Christmas Eve rave all the families will decide to throw. A Christmas techno dance mix?
Mariah Carey wrote the original version of "All I Want For Christmas Is You," which has been America's top selling holiday ring-tone for the past three holiday seasons. That means that this song has been let loose upon America countless times, daily, for three entire holiday seasons. It has sold over 1.5 million copies. This is commercializing Christmas at its finest—not that it needed any help.
Each of these songs, and each of these artists, goes to show a lost sense of what the holidays are about. There is no more singing about spending the holidays with the family, appreciating the wonders of nature in winter, or wishing one a Merry Christmas. Hardly any of the classics are redone, aside from a choice few.
Each of these examples also goes to show the state in which the musical world is in. It has become a slave to popularity. It has become a moneymaking venture. It is played in every mall and every shopping plaza. It’s exploiting the season of good tidings for all.
There is light at the end of the terror tunnel, however.
Zooey Deschenel has saved the Christmas season with her Judy Garland-like voice. She croons like whiskey, aside the gruff Leon Redbone, in the single “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” This is the voice we need in modern day holiday music. This is the voice that would crackle if on vinyl. This is the voice that would melt Scrooge hearts all over the world.
If you’re feeling the spirit of Christmas, if you’re walking in a winter wonderland, try out an old record. Check out Pandora.com, and make a Sinatra’s Christmas playlist. If you want somebody knew, check out Deschenel. But do not have a dance party to Mariah Carey’s Christmas dance mixes and, at all costs, avoid the radio.
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